I’ve had a really bad few days and it’s get me feeling really down, the fact that I haven’t been able to get out of the house much other than for work has just made me feel so bad in myself. It’s got me thinking though, I like to be honest with people about what’s wrong with me. If they ask me how it went at the doctors I won’t lie to people and tell them it went fine and that nothing is wrong even if I don’t know them well, I’ll still be honest.
I’m not ashamed to admit to people that I’m suffering with depression and anxiety. After all, some illness has completely taken over and changed my life so nobody expects me to happy and chirpy all the time.
A few thing I do get said to me a lot though is:
- You’re always smiling though so you can’t be depressed?
- You look so healthy I wouldn’t have guessed you’re ill.
First of all, I’m a really awkward person and I don’t know how to deal with being around people other than smiling to look like I know what’s going on and enjoying myself so it’s just become a habit now to smile when I’m around people. I’m not saying I hate being around people as when I’m around my friends I do genuinely smile and love it but when I’m around strangers I do feel really awkward so when they ask about my illness, I’ll be smiling throughout the whole story.
Secondly, I may look healthy as I have no symptoms that anyone would notice (other than weight loss which I’ve but some back on now). Just because I don’t look ill it doesn’t mean there isn’t anything wrong. I can’t say what is wrong with my stomach as of yet due to not knowing myself but having depression and anxiety has been one of the hardest things in my life to cope with. On top of the pain I’m already getting I’m constantly battling feeling exhausted from simple tasks, the thought of not wanting to go out as I know I will just feel horrible, the struggle of having panic attacks out of the blue and getting more and more worked up making me feel more and more ill.
Thank you for reading 🙂